Am I Famous Now…

Thursday was a strange day. At work they start to understand what I need : a damn break challenge. Little by little they are starting to make me do more and more and I enjoy it. Was about time.
But what made thursday strange was that I had an appointment. A date? No, together with the last plane from Brussels, a fellow Belgian I know landed. My father.

Yes we had agreed to meet each other given our phone call. I couldn’t imagine sending an email to announce them I didn’t want to plan with Belgium, so very timidly I proposed to meet him. He of course immediately booked a plane and we meet in the evening. No not at my place, but in a cocktail bar where I occasionally make an appearance and somehow kinda home feel.

Lets recapitulate. 09.45AM I caught him on the phone. We agreed to meet and I found him an evening flight. He would be here around 09.00 PM. Hmmm… even not 12 hours to prepare to catch up with almost 13 years. Wonder why I felt strange all day. Surprized that I arrived almost an hour late?

I have done my best to show up and act normal. So when I arrived in the bar, I spotted my father, but first went to greet the guys and made my own drink. Yeah, told you feel at home.
Then I went to his table. He was drinking a lager. I always hated my father for being such a sophisticated person, but when it comes to drinks… BEER!

Stuttering both we tried to catch up and to brake the ice. I don’t know anymore what we caught up fastest with : beer, Tanqueray Gimlets or the past 13 years. One could feel that he was avoiding THE topic. As the alcohol flew, the topics mainly were dayly small talk. I was waiting for him to start and ask me if I had thought about. I don’t like it when people turn around, it only makes the pressure grow. So after several drinks I asked him

So dad, why did you actually come? Wasn’t there something you wanted to discuss?

Of course this might sound strange, but it was what I wanted to take care of before we started sharing more about the past years. Because I knew how he was going to react.

He didn’t want to come to the point. So I told asked him why they hadn’t taken care of grandfather yet and looked for a solution. Or why he hadn’t mentionned it in our last email.
Fear was his answer, fear that I might refuse. Spot on dude! He said they wanted to wait for an appropriate moment and now I had ditched the startup seemed good for them, especially since my bank account had suffered.

Not wanting to stress him more I was ready to answer him, but first I went behind the bar and prepared a new round of drinks. Hell dude, time for you to stop drinking beer. Lets go for a Double Old Fashioned, Franky style. :D

Colleagues were looking at me, at how helpless my moves were… as if it were the first cocktail ever I made. I can’t remember I have ever been more nervous as that night, and that although I had already drunk several Gimlets.

Back at the table I told him that I was not moving back to Belgium. That I still wanted to keep distance and not be confronted with the burden of our, his name. Over the years he accepted that as my main reason for having left Belgium, but of course he hoped that I’ld make an exception in this case. On my question if he’ld mind if I would change name he answered that Belgium doesn’t allow that move to be made. Exactly.

Soon I had wished I’d drunk more because it started to get dirty. It didn’t take long or again I was a disappointment for me family. I left few minutes later, immediately after my father said me

You’ll never honour our name. You are a disgrace to us.

I answered him I was but therefore have a better path in life (also less haters) as he has. And last but not least… I have more friends around me than he has, not just a lost son (my father has never bothered socializing).

I left before he could answer me.
As much as I do love my father, we have to maintain physical distance not to grow expectations, epectations only build upon career, his name. Guess it was not the best idea to meet him. I should have known better.