Sometimes I feel limited by this blog. I feel like this blog is restricting me. Strange actually, because I went several times ‘over the line’ with my entries, mainly the job related ones.
But that is not really the actual problem. Sometimes I just want to write stuff that could compromise my future plans. Uh? WTF is this all about?
It is simple :: I am in the middle of setting up a design site (trust me compared to what I really can do, this blog design is just a piece of shit, but it fits my ‘arrogant me’). And there is my problem. I noticed lately, actually the whole six months I have had this blog, that the ‘blogosphere’ is a little corner full of pathetic behaviour. Gossip, little groups and all that stuff included. Very ‘real life alike’. I mean piss off one person (one of my specialities because I like to dish people what I think) and you immediately have pissed off the ‘whole bunch’. The bunch of mainly no-brainers or people with a ‘totally’ wrong view on values.
I see people around totally ‘focused’ on BotB or Varb, putting their ranking or buttons about how many sites they have surfed on their blog. People organizing ‘voting groups’ (you could also call them ‘mafias’) to boost their blogs at BotB and Varb, or people just being excited (orgasming?) about the amount of visitors they had yesterday. Exposure is good, but is it really that important what ‘other’ people think of you? Or do you prefer to watch yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and say ‘I have been honest with myself’?
Did you actually know that your blog is all about you, that people can read ‘your whole character’ in your blog? Damn, that must be bad for me.
But yes, your blog, links, template, memes and last but not least your posts tell me a lot about you. Do I care ? No, I am a ‘professional’ hardly ever showing his emotions online, just like in real life. I’ll rant and occasionally try to be funny. Online I’ll tell people they are ’stupid’ just as much as ‘in real life’ Except for one little difference. ‘Out there’ I can actually keep my ‘private me’ far away from my professional life. Ten years as a bartender have branded me. I learned a lot. You become ‘a star’ when you work in popular places. People watch you whenever they see you, even when you’re not working. Easy to visit other towns when you’re off.
Here it is harder to hide, especially since I might depend one day on people reading this shit. Tempting to delete everything, disappear a while and come back.
[/shit rant thought]
23 have made me smarter ↓
1 Biologisvensk // Apr 2, 2006 at 3:31 pm// View all comments by Biologisvensk//
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I understand the feeling of restriction far too well, as you know. You put out a part of you, when you blog. There is a reason for all of us, why we start blogging, whether it be to post about things that we enjoy and that interest us, or about our personal life. Then one day we get our first comment: wow someone is reading me AND giving me a thought on it. We follow the link and see they have a blogroll. Then the realisation hits you that there are more people who not only might like what you have to say and might comment, but that you also might enjoy them.
One day when you come across one of your humble reads, you discover something such as BlogExplosion or BlogMad, and decide to check it out. It sounds nice, and you are all for getting more people to read you, more ‘friends’ more ‘allies’ . You begin surfing those sites, and you see huge fancy templates, blogrolls longer than your humble 10 links, and more comments than you’ve seen in a month’s time on just one post. You begin to want that, to want to be popular, and slowly, over time you begin blogging for an audience and not your first love: yourself.
After awhile you get an audience so large, and a blog so huge and fake, you are cautious about just how much you reveal of yourslf which causes you to feel restricted about your post content. You then don’t know why the hell you do it any more so you begin to get burned out. You stop and the cycle begins again.
Why the hell did I just write all of that? How the hell should I know: I’m running on hardly any sleep, 0/3 cups of coffee, and a buttload of lortab. I just turned my computer on to add carrots to gran’s grocery order and I ended up here. Hell, I think this is my longest comment I’ve ever written anywhere.
Blog for you, don’t ever change that. Hide what you need to hide to protect your vulnerabilities, but whatever you do, do NOT lose your honesty and lose who you are in your posts, and your designs. I’ve basically read you since you’ve begun a humble little blog at Blogger, I’ve watched your blog designing grow (we both know you could design before your blog but you know what I mean), your posts reveal a little glimpse into your life each time you write (even moreso the past few months), and hell even your English improved over time. You might know how to do kick-ass designs, but I think this new site, this new design (especially what you had to learn to complete it), and the desire to blog honestly has caused you to grow and stretch as an individual. The one thing (amongst many) I know that I can safely say about you is that you will not conform to everyone else, and that reason alone is why you’re my first stop of the day amongst other things.
Ok, carrots, and bed. I think I might add some kit-kats to that order as well. ;-)
2 swan_pr // Apr 2, 2006 at 4:24 pm// View all comments by swan_pr//
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Yeah, a blog, a burden… Depends on what you want to get out of it. My blog is very personal, most random surfers are put off by it, and that’s fine by me. It is a trap, it is tempting to oblige, to please. But in the end, the very purpose of your writing gets lost. So, fuck all that, I say just write. That’s what I do. Cause I need to. Not to be read. That’s just a bonus, and a way for me to realize that it’s ok to be weird or depressed, I’m not alone.
But to each his own. Some want bling, flash, tests, memes, all that shit. Some are looking for actual content. It’s like tv. You don’t like it, switch it off. I like it here. I hope you will stay you, and not have to kill your blog to do so :)
3 Franky // Apr 2, 2006 at 4:39 pm// View all comments by Franky//
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Bio :: You know me a little now. You know I enjoy exposure/readers/comments but actually don’t give a flying fuck about people liking me or not. I am ‘Franky’ and I won’t change because they might not like me. At the end of the day I go to sleep with a ‘clean conscious’. True I make errors, but stand to them as well.
It is just the damn attitude and gossip I sometimes need to rant about. And yeah don’t forget those damn kitkats.
swan_pr :: I like how much you are ‘personal’ in your blog. That’s why I read you (and luckily understand both French and English). And no worries I will not change, my blog ‘won’t change’. And if this blog might ever mean that I might lose money, my bad. I have always had my fair share of haters. ;)
As for TV, sorry I haven’t had any television (no I lie because I love movies) for almost 8 years now. Trust me wikipedia as homepage is a lot more interesting than TV.
4 Tracy // Apr 2, 2006 at 6:31 pm// View all comments by Tracy//
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I *LOVE* the look!!
5 lisa // Apr 2, 2006 at 7:30 pm// View all comments by lisa//
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The blog soon becomes a “need” to gain approval from others. People that we do not know, people that we will never see. I write and vent and bitch and insult and I LOVE IT! I worry if I am sounding “hostile” and then I feel restricted. I have questioned myself lately about my blog and at this point I have decided to write as if no one reads it but me. If I am pleased with the post then great.
6 Franky // Apr 2, 2006 at 7:58 pm// View all comments by Franky//
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Tracy :: thanks :)
lisa :: I never saw my blog as a way/need to gain approval, therefore I might have pissed off too many people. And if I needed approval I would rather have stayed working behind the bar, but even there my ‘dry sarcasm’ and attitude is not always liked by every guest (but I still have/had my admirers and good tips) or I go to a gay bar.
I have seen/read your last weeks, and although I must admit that sometimes your blog is ‘quite heavy’ or sometimes I even shake head, I think that the ‘I write as if no one reads it’ is the best way to blog. Those are ‘the’ blogs I read daily.
Other ones I don’t call them blogs.
I just can’t stand whining people. The ones who still read me daily, the ones who haven’t accepted what I think of them, the ones who always run their mouth, the ones who WILL judge and ‘commercialize’ me as soon as I ‘go online’.
7 ocB // Apr 2, 2006 at 9:57 pm// View all comments by ocB//
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good god bio. i don’t even know what i was going to comment now after seeing your comment be longer than his actual post.
so.
ok see ya. lol
8 suki // Apr 3, 2006 at 4:17 am// View all comments by suki//
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I will second OCB on that one.
But really, blog for yourself.
9 Franky // Apr 3, 2006 at 4:27 am// View all comments by Franky//
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Yeah Bio stole my post. Wait till I see her :|
10 Kentucky Girl // Apr 3, 2006 at 6:47 am// View all comments by Kentucky Girl//
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Yes, yes, yes…I fall into that every once in a while…then someone comes along to *cough* let me know what a retard I am…thanks for that, too. :P
I post on my blog day in the life shit and things I find funny or annoying…but I don’t go TOO personal. I know some people do. My problem is that I have a real hard time showing emotion or letting out personal things. Really. I dunno what it is, I’ve always been like this though. Like, I would NEVER share that I hate how fat my legs look. And I would NEVER share when I’m sad and down because of work, or friends or just life in general. I would never share on MY blog how much I want a baby of my very own, but it’s just not happening. It’s just not ME. I can’t do it. I can share it on other folks’ blogs…but not my own.
What I write on my blog is what I feel comfortable writing and it’s what I would talk about in real life. Boring, huh? STFU, k? You blog for you and if they don’t like it, fuck ‘em. They don’t have to read it.
11 charles ravndal // Apr 3, 2006 at 10:21 am// View all comments by charles ravndal//
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yes you blog for yourself! By the way, I am still tweaking a WP template so it suits my needs as well. And thanks again for the tips!
12 Biologisvensk // Apr 3, 2006 at 10:22 am// View all comments by Biologisvensk//
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See what happens when you mix lortab with insomnia and crazy dreams of Homer’s The Odyssey? I swear I was channeling him…it was epic length I’m tellin’ ya.
Oh ffs just delete it already.
13 JJ // Apr 3, 2006 at 2:27 pm// View all comments by JJ//
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RE: Biologisvensk’s comment…
Great comment!
This may sound strange, but I went in the exact opposite direction. I started blogging for an audience. In my posts, I tried to come off as intelligent or wise or funny. I wasn’t being myself, I was trying to write like someone else.
Then when people actually started reading (via BE or whatever), I finally decided to be myself. My sense of humor is childish and dirty, I’m obsessed with sex and drugs, etc. Suddenly, people started coming back every day to read, and they started leaving comments.
Now I’m at the point where I’ll post pictures of myself and tell true stories about my life instead of trying to invent something funny.
14 justdawn // Apr 3, 2006 at 2:34 pm// View all comments by justdawn//
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I like personal blogs…if I wanted entertainment, I would buy a shitty tabloid:)
I like your new design, MB…even if you don’t care if I like it. heh
15 Franky // Apr 3, 2006 at 2:44 pm// View all comments by Franky//
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KG :: the whole post emerged out of the thought ‘What can you all do in/with your blog’, when future/possible clients might read it. Like, could I fe still say how much a hate this and that mommy-blogger, even when they might have the money for a template ?
And yes I ‘only’ blog for myself.
Charles :: cool, WP rocks.
Bio :: you definitely seem to enjoy lortab. Tell us more dreams :D
JJ :: yeah, I am thinking about retitling the post into ‘Bio’s comment’
Nah, honestly be yourself. It is funny, actually your story makes me think of my bartender times. Several years I was trying to ‘build an image’ (you know protection and all that shit) and then one day I came behind the bar, it was still quiet. I was thinking of my ‘image’ and sudddenly I realized ‘Hey, that IS & ARE you’. My tips totally rocketed. So did the amount of phone that got slipped… hehe
JD :: true, I would turn on telly. And glad you like it.
16 jessica // Apr 3, 2006 at 3:54 pm// View all comments by jessica//
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i think you need to do a post on nerdy boy pick up lines…
for my own personal enjoyment, of course, as i’m still laughing :)
17 Deb_LA // Apr 3, 2006 at 5:35 pm// View all comments by Deb_LA//
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Oh my god, you read my mind today. I have been having the worst time blogging in the last couple of days. I just don’t feel like it and I think when that happens only crappy posts can come from it so I am just taking a break. Trying to pretend no one reads it.
I do get personal and sometimes think it’s totally gonna come back and bite me in the ass someday. I hardly ever post about work though. Going over the line there is especially dangerous. Love the new header!
18 Charred // Apr 3, 2006 at 9:40 pm// View all comments by Charred//
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Indeed.
The main reason I blog is so I can use what little html (etc) I’ve managed to learn.
19 Franky // Apr 3, 2006 at 9:55 pm// View all comments by Franky//
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Jessica :: lol, I am sure you wouldn’t understand them but still laugh :P
Maybe Charred could assist me with that post.
Deb_LA :: you should shame yourself. As soon as I put your blog in my feedreader, you start having your worst blogging time. Blogging about work almost costed me my job, it’s somewhere in the archives. Did I learn my lesson, no probably not. I just won’t write anymoer about it when colleagues snort coke. I’ll wait till they start crack.
Glad you like the header, it is soooo me. And I almost had as tagline ‘Give me a job and I’ll blog about’.
Charred :: funny reason to blog. Couldn’t you make websites in that case? Or make the corners of your sidebar boxes transparent (use .gif) :P
My blog is my diary for me. Like the girly stuff, but without the lock on. Sometimes I will post 3 times in one day. Other moments I’ll only post once in a whole week. Just depends how I feel.
20 Charred // Apr 4, 2006 at 3:30 am// View all comments by Charred//
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To be honest, my comment wasn’t complete when I submitted it, but then I thought “that’s good enough,” so I didn’t post a follow-up.
My brother has been something of a local “big noise” in web design since the 1990s (at one point, Novell hired him to do their website!), and I’m trying to make something of myself on my own before I offer to help him out on anything. I love him tons, but he can be more than a bit of a jerk if he thinks you owe him.
In order for me to learn, I need to have practical knowledge, and a blog template is a lot easier first project than a full-scale website.
Besides, I don’t have my own server (…yet), or access to one, so I had to go with something that would be hosted for free, which requirement also brought me back to blogs.
I’m getting ready to learn how to make my corners rounded without using images, if you want to offer any advice.
Re: Jessica’s request; did you keep a log of that SB chat? We could just publish that.
21 Franky // Apr 4, 2006 at 9:08 am// View all comments by Franky//
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Nah I don’t keep logs of chats, only of the private ones. You never know what logs of chats with your girlfriend can be good for don’t you. ;)
22 Biologisvensk // Apr 4, 2006 at 10:03 am// View all comments by Biologisvensk//
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…
23 Charred // Apr 4, 2006 at 2:53 pm// View all comments by Charred//
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Yeah, you never know when one might come back to bite you on the butt.